ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
