I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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