If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I FOUND THE LEGS
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Randomize
