Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
