I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
Randomize
