Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
My Sexting was not on an AP level
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
