no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
My penis needs a shock collar
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize
