i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Randomize
