I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
as a side note pls kill me
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
