not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
