Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
