I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
