I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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