No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
