New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Randomize
