whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
