so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
