I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
