The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
