Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
