I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
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