i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
