i jhust puked up my retainher.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I lost the right to judge tonight
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
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