i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Randomize
