sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Randomize
