it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
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