shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
