I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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