Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
