forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
