Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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