so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
