i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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