i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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