I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
