i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
