my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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