Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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