So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Randomize
