so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
