What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
