i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
