Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Randomize
