My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
