Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
