I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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