google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
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