; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
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