there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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