please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
