i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I got inside last night via doggy door
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
