his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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