I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
