For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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