his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
