My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
