I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
